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A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that."

A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, "I don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation." The angel says, "We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?" The preacher says, "Once in a while someone fell asleep." The angel says, "Right. And when people rode in this guy's taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!"

You enter the laboratory and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it? If it's green and wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

A social worker asks a collegue: "What time is it?" The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch." The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."

A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Darn! Just missed it by a half hour!"

A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra. Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums." The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums." Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums." Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"

one stupid real jurk person login to hyeclub with female name and sending me silly messages i don't wanna give a name but please stop this childish things i'm here not to mocks at people i'm here just to make some friends from another contrys so please do not send me a crush or even a private messages please :D feel free and comment me on the comment box it's better i guess yalla yaw what ever chem ouzer aveli xosel hehehe bye fellas

"How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?" asked the IRS auditor. "Well," the taxpayer answered, "while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said, 'I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea and I'll give you the most luxurious villa you have ever seen'. I threw the fish back to the sea, and got the villa." "How can you prove such an unbelievable story?" "Well, you can see the villa, can't you?"

The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

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